Canadian PM Justin Trudeau To Invest 5 Billion In ‘Fake Eyebrow’ Industry.
From Singaling Press.
Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau held a press conference this morning for a major announcement that has reporters, observers and Canadians baffled. Surrounded by reporters, Justin proudly announced that his Liberal government would be investing 5 Billion dollars towards an industry that nobody even knew until now even existed. The so-called Fake Eyebrow Industry. Justin referred to his own “brave coming out” at the G7 summit, where he was spotted losing an eyebrow, which he now acknowledges was fake and that he wears fake eyebrows all the time. He said it was due to having lost his eyebrows years ago while working as a part-time drama teacher. He explained that an incident involving bikini wax and several varieties of flammable liquids left him without eyebrows. He stated, “It’s very tough to out myself as a person with ‘Eyebrow Disabilities’, but I’m coming out now and standing up for all peoples with the same disability. My eyebrow malfunction was pretty embarrassing at the time, and my own friends and fellow MP’s reminded me of the famous ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’ by Janet Jackson and Justin Fingerflake so many years ago. I have now realized that there must be millions of Canadians also suffering from this very same condition. So we are investing 5 Billion dollars to prop up the Fake Eyebrow industry in Canada. I am proud of myself, of course, for being the first person to come out and I am hoping many millions of Canadians join me and come forward. We all need to support this industry, and, as well, we need to be sensitive towards all People kind who have this condition. Which is why I’m going to be putting forward a motion to make it a hate crime to discriminate against persons with eyebrow disabilities. Especially if they are Muslim illegals…I mean Irregulars!”
Justin also denied rumors he was born with the condition, (despite photographic evidence as seen directly below).
When questioned by reporters whether such an industry even existed and what proof he had that any Canadians besides himself suffered from this condition, Justin grew upset and accused the reporters of being “Haters and Bigots!.”
The CBC, MSNBC and CNN all applauded the investment, and CNN even called Justin Trudeau “Brave and heroic!” However, legendary hockey commentator and former NHL coach, Don Cherry disagreed, saying “Justin is a prima donna, a wimp and a sissy man who’s ruining what’s left of this great nation!” He added, “I think Justin should be committed to a mental institution, and I hope for the sake of all Canadians he’s not re-elected next October 19th! God have mercy on us all!”.
For Singaling Press, I’m Singaling.